Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
