Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
