Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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