ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
