If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
