You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
