My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
