so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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