It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize