Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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