He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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