these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
