I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
