Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
