This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
