We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You ruined the universe
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize