I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
