lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
