So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
