yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
