I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
