I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
