I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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