The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
