If that was your dad, he is hot
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize