tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
