God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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