What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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