I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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