Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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