She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
