Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
