I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
