You really coming over, don't trick.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
