i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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