Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
