It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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