dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
