I cockslap morals
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
