I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
