I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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