So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
