like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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