If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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