I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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