He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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