I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
