i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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