I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize