You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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