i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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