I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
