guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
