Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
