hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
