shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
