3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I look better un-naked...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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