i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
