We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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