just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
