her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
