I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
