I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
