She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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