Dual....:-)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
