fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
