She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
