Just cropdusted the office
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
