A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
