she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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