My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
