just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
